Be Serious About Your Bipolar Self
My sleep has always been an issue. I have a pill to take if necessary, but I use that as a last resort. I find that when I do take my sleeping pill, I’m exhausted with brain fog the entire next day. Also, this pill is NOT Ambien. I was prescribed Ambien 10 years ago when I was first diagnosed and it traumatized me. I’ve been a lucid dreamer my whole life and Ambien magnifies this by 1,000 percent. It takes me to other worlds entirely. I would wake up panting, in a cold sweat, having just fought Smaug— with a sword, on the edge of a cliff, with seven dwarves next to me. I know people who rely on Ambien to fall asleep every night; it’s about finding YOUR molecules.
I track my sleepless nights and try to get to the root of the restlessness. My therapist says, “you can go one night without sleep, but you can’t go two or more— that’s when things get f@*%^d up.” It’s like she engrained this into my subconscious because I’ll go one night without sleeping, but never two and usually no more than two sleepless nights in a month. I accept it and do my best to wear myself out the next day. If I’m successful then I’m passed out by 10 p.m. and back on track.
Like you would a baby, I’ve learned to sleep train myself. When I fall out of my routine, which happens, I start over. I’ve done this time and time again throughout the years and I now find it fascinating. For example, I can never sleep on a night when the moon is full. Sounds silly, but it’s a fact. I also can’t sleep if there are an excessive amount of electronics in a room. If I’m staying in a hotel I will literally go around and unplug everything. Some people get even more intense with EMF detectors. I know Luke Storey takes it super seriously, but I do my due diligence by living out in the middle of nowhere and being mindful of the stimulation around me when I travel. I haven’t woke up to an alarm in over two years. My magical sleeping hours are 10:00 p.m.— 6:00 a.m. For a year there… (maybe 2018?) this could not be messed with. If I was dating someone, they had to respect the sleep schedule or GTFO. And if you snore— deal breaker. I now try to be more malleable— but not much more.
Being bipolar pretty much guarantees that you are a highly sensitive human— respect your sensitivities. I am sensitive to; overhead light, bright light, erratic light, noise, pointless conversation, scratchy clothes/fabrics, people touching me, medications, chemicals in food and on my skin, media, certain scents— mostly fake scents, and the list goes on. I’ve become so aware of my sensitivities that I notice them, appreciate them, and continue rowing my boat. I can choose to remove myself from the stimulation, or flow with it. I didn’t know this in my early twenties. I’d stay up all night watching movies, sleep in late, go to class or work and then wonder why it was impossible for me to fall asleep at a normal hour. Add drinking, cell phones, and any caffeine after 12 noon on the dot and I would be up all night for sure.
Another thing that took me a while to figure out is that I can’t drink alcohol when I’m on my period. When it’s that time of the month for me the sensitivities are at maximum capacity and this is to be respected at all costs. Alcohol stimulates negative energy, and while I love a spicy, full bodied red that has a smidge of cacao— I know that I cannot have that for one week out of the month.
Noise cancelling headphones solve many of my trigger woes— along with a dark pair of oversized sunglasses, a shot of B-12 and 500mg of 5-HTP. Oh, and do not forget the daily dose of vitamin D, get out in the sun!
Lastly, you cannot rely on friends, family, or significant others in your life to manage this for you. When you start taking ownership of your sensitivities those who love you will understand and support you.
Yours in all seriousness,
Courtney