Finding Fulfillment Within the Bipolar Experience

I find myself in a state of gratitude as I sit in my 500 square foot studio and reflect on what a wonderful Saturday I just had.  At 33 years old, I am finally beginning to feel fulfilled.  Today I hiked 6.3 miles to a remote alpine lake with my sister.  One of the many topics we discussed was how far we’ve come since moving to Colorado a decade ago.  We reflected on relationships and how different life would be had we made other choices.  The beauty of the day or magic moment was in the meditation we did together. I experienced an, “I could do this all day,” moment.

I find that in pushing my body, mind, and soul, I reach these moments more regularly. When they are shared with my favorite humans, these moments are amplified. This creates an impact in my life because so much of the last decade has been a tumultuous battle filled with extreme highs and extreme lows. In moments like these, I let that that battle go.

There was a period of time in my life when I thought material possessions would fulfill me— they didn’t. I put all of my energy into a significant other hoping that we’d make it— we didn’t.  I was seeking fulfillment in external things and relationships instead of finding it within myself.

I thrive living a minimalist lifestyle— in the mountains. Having only what I need gives me the ability to function at a high level.  More possessions in my life causes more stress. 

I had this annoying habit of making everything much harder for myself.  I would overthink and trigger anxiety and fear. I feared I wasn’t good enough causing me to be a perfectionist. I was living outside of the present moment.  I am either upset about the past or afraid of the future— which is not how life should be experienced. Thoughts and the mind disappear in the present.

It has taken me a decade to find clarity and fulfillment in one moment however, one moment is all I needed to recognize and be grateful for the madness and magic I’ve been through.  I am going to carry it with me in heart… every day… seeking that… in all I do.

I am forever grateful for my sister and alpine lakes,

Courtney